Grey
by eitherreadingorwritingstories
Summary: Beca Mitchell's life as a drug dealer. AU.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

She was on the roof. On the edge of it. The rain pelted down soaking every inch of her, but she wasn't cold. She was sitting so there was no real threat of suicide but still there were crowds of people were looking up at her, scared for the life she wasn't going to take. Everything grey except for the flashing blue and red lights one hundred and sixty feet below her.

 _I'm not going to kill myself._

She wanted to tell them but they'd figure it out eventually. She would do anything to see her best friend again but not that. There's no changing the past and anyways, Beca didn't believe in God or an afterlife. And even if she did she would never have a chance of making it to heaven. Even if she did with some miracle, Stacie wouldn't be there. Besides, miracles don't happen. At least not to her.

Still, it was a little touching that hundreds of people she didn't know were all waiting with bated breath to see what she would do next. Hoping. Praying. Or maybe they just wanted to fill their boring city lives with a bit of somebody else's angst. It's funny, Beca hated the life she had. She'd rather have a real honest to God job and work for a living but the people who had that, seemed to want the opposite.

 _Have it. Take it._

Sure, she wasn't going to end her life but that didn't mean she wasn't tired of it. Her life was fruitless. For everything she gave, she got nothing back. Not only did she not get anything back but she had things taken from her as well. The most important thing taken from her was her best friend.

The more she thought about it, the more she felt that maybe Stacie was the luckier one of the two of them. She wasn't here anymore. She didn't have to deal with the consequences. She didn't have to deal with the loss that weighed heavy on Beca's chest.

 _You promised me that we were in this together. That you would never leave as long as I didn't._

Beca knew that Stacie didn't die on purpose but it hurt all the same. No one knew Beca like Stacie had. The life gave Beca Stacie but even that was too good because just like that it took her away.

The rain stopped…no, it didn't. the drops were still hitting her legs and feet which dangled over the building but she couldn't feel it anywhere else.

Beca looked up. A giant yellow umbrella was above her head. She looked to see who was holding it, figuring it was a cop.

Instead, standing there, completely dry, eyes tinted red with grief and a heartbreaking expression on her face was Chloe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Six Years Ago…**

"Rebecca Mitchell, I'm not kidding!" Warren Mitchell all but stomped his foot. "Get out of the car right _now_!"

Beca rolled her eyes, "no."

Her father's nostrils flared and his face was a red as a tomato. If Beca wasn't as annoyed as she was right now it would have been funny. Her father was not a funny man. He was serious, all business and all boring. All those already caused their relationship to suffer but now he was forcing her to spend her summer in a Troubled Youth Camp. A camp? Seriously? She was sixteen, not six.

"That's it! I'm going to get the chief counsellor." Her father stomped off toward the log cabins.

"Ooh fun." Beca quipped to no one.

This was stupid. This was a camp for troubled youth. Beca wasn't a troubled youth. Sure, she got into fights more often than normal people but that's only 'cause her father didn't socialize her well enough. She was never comfortable using her words so she used something she was comfortable with; her fists.

Beca swears she isn't all bad but people didn't see that when they looked at her. People saw too much eyeliner, tattoos and piercings and they think, 'oh, that girl is trouble.'

Her father looked at her and saw her mother and that wasn't acceptable. Why do you think she wore too much make up, got those tattoos and even the piercings? She was trying her hardest no to look like her mom but she couldn't change her genetics. She was who she was and now she was paying for that.

A black BMW that Beca couldn't even dream of owning pulled into the parking lot. A woman most likely in her early thirties stepped out, she had shiny brown hair and curves that were probably bought. She was talking obnoxiously loud on her phone.

The passenger door opened. Beca sat up straighter in her seat so she could see better. A girl probably Beca's age stepped out. She had the older woman's brown hair and she was tall. Everyone was tall to Beca but this girl was exceptionally so. She was wearing a black pullover and leggings that showed off her legs that went on for days. She had curves too but Beca wasn't certain these were real.

The girl looked like she'd rather be anywhere other than here, which was invitation enough for Beca. She got out of her dad's car and walked over to the girl.

"Hey," Beca half waved, stopping a foot away from the girl.

"Look if you're here to bullshit me about how much this camp has changed you and that I should give it a chance, I wouldn't bother." She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Beca.

Beca put her hands up in surrender, "I'm not a counsellor dude."

"Oh," she shrugged and then smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

Beca dismissed the apology with a wave of her hand, "nah, save your sorry. I'd much rather have your name."

"Stacie Conrad." She stuck her hand out.

Beca took a step close and shook it, "Beca Mitchell."

The lady that Beca presumed was Stacie's mom hung up the phone and gave Beca a once over. She hummed disapprovingly. "Stacie grab your things. Stop wasting my time."

Stacie rolled her eyes and then grabbed her duffle bag from the trunk of the car. Beca wanted to punch this lady. Then thought about how urges like that was probably why she was being sent here.

She felt a hand on her arm, "see you in hell."

Beca smirked and nodded, "yeah."

Once they walked away Beca spotted her dad, a nerdy looking man and two buff dudes heading towards her. Beca shouldered her bag and her smirk grew.

"Rebec-"

"Dad, what took you so long?" Her dad squinted at her. "Let's go, I'm so pumped for this camp."

Of course she was being sarcastic but no one seemed to pick up on it. The nerdy looking man seem pleased and the buff guys looked annoyed.

"What?"

"Don't worry dad, the summer will go by fast. You won't even get a chance to miss me." Beca smiled a huge, fake smile at all the men there and headed toward the log cabin. Halfway there she turned to look over her shoulder and her dad was frozen with his jaw to the floor. So worth it.

* * *

After getting briefed on what the camp was about and putting her phone in a plastic bag for them to take away until the end, Beca was sent to her cabin.

They were two big cabins, one for boys and one for girls. Within each cabin there are sections. Each section holds two people and _that_ was Beca's problem. She didn't want to be roomed with some angsty loser and this camp was full of angsty losers.

Beca sighed. She thought that since she had met Stacie this whole thing wouldn't be so bad but despite the tall brunette's promise of seeing Beca later, it had been two hours and they had yet to.

She entered her section expecting to meet some black haired, acne and angst teenager but she didn't. Instead her face broke into a huge grin. "Hey roomie."

Her roommate turned around and the grin on her face matched Beca's, "oh thank God."

"Please." Beca threw her bag onto her bunk. "God had nothing to do with it."

"Not religious?"

"God never did me no favors."

Stacie nodded her head slowly, "fair enough."

"Are you?"

"Not really."

They unpacked their things or Stacie did. Beca didn't feel like it so she just lay on her bed watching Stacie go through her things. Stacie moved her things around and Beca saw a pack of cigarettes. She wasn't a huge fan of them and hoped that Stacie wouldn't smoke them in their little section.

"So why are you here?" Stacie asked, taking out a shirt, folding it and putting it into the cupboard.

"My dad."

"That's no-"

Beca nodded, "I know. I'm here because I use my fist more than I do my mouth."

Stacie snorted, "kinky."

Beca laughed, took her pillow and chucked it at Stacie, "dork."

Stacie caught the pillow and her expression turned serious, "and the real reason?"

Beca sighed, she had never told anyone about her mother. They just assumed she had left Beca and her father. Beca never bothered to correct them. "My dad can't deal with the fact that I look like my mom so he sends me away or he goes away. We're never together for more than a week."

Stacie didn't say anything so Beca continued. "My mom died giving birth to me. I never knew her but I've heard stories."

"Having a mom isn't all that great Beca." Beca looked up to meet Stacie eyes. "But it's unfortunate that your dad's a dick. I know I just met you and my words probably hold no weight but it isn't your fault."

No one's ever said that to her. Her father and her grandparents always made it seem like it _was_ her fault. They would rather have beautifully amazing Ella Mitchell than faulty Beca Mitchell any day. They made her feel like she didn't deserve her mother's beauty.

Stacie stood up with a small white towel and a water bottle. She unscrewed the cap and wetted the towel. She walked over to Beca. "Sit up."

Beca obeyed.

Stacie leaned over and gently wiped the make up from Beca's eyes, "you have beautiful eyes Beca. Don't hide them."

Beca smiled. She actually liked Stacie. This was literally a first for her. Beca didn't have a single friend. Not even an acquaintance. She lived her life completely solo but now she was grateful towards whatever had possessed her to talk to Stacie in the first place. Then something popped into her mind.

"Stacie?"

Stacie who had gone back to unpacking her things looked up, "hmmm?"

"Do you smoke?"

Stacie looked confused for a second and then a look of realization and then she shook her head, "no, I just have those to piss off my mom."

Beca let out a relieved breath, "thank God."

Stacie raised an eyebrow, "Ple-"

Beca threw her middle finger up at her new and only friend and laughed, "yeah, yeah."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, just wanted y'all to know this could be potentially triggering for some readers. Spoiler: There's an OD (of a minor character)/A suicidal thought/there's also a little bit of talk about vomit just in case that stuff grosses you out.**

* * *

 **Six Months Earlier…**

 _(From the Prologue)_

Beca waited until the sky went from grey to black before heading towards one of the raging frat parties going on inside of Barden University. She always kept locations like these last on her list just in case she saw someone worthy enough of brining back to the apartment caught her eye.

That night was sort of different though. Usually, she just walked around selling to people who either recognized her from previous transactions or people who just looked like they could use a high. Tonight, she was supposed to sell to a specific someone; a Tom to be exact.

Beca tightened the straps of her denim backpack and let out a loud breath before walking into the house. Sound immediately insulted her ears. People talking, laughing, screeching. To top that off, music was being blasted unnecessarily loud. It wasn't even good music. All this reminded Beca – once again –why she was glad she didn't bother with university.

Beca squeezed through the sweaty, drunk bodies until she made it outside where things were just a little calmer. Beca figured she head towards the pool where Tom said he'd be. The music was less loud out here and the people seemed more relaxed. This was more of what Beca was used to. She could deal with this.

"Mitchell?"

She turned around to see who had used her – so, so – _edgy_ undercover drug dealer name and saw a guy in a posh looking charcoal grey sweater waving at her. He was tall and tan and had brown hair. He fit the description. "Tom?"

"Yup. Did you bring the drugs?"

Beca smirked, "no, I thought I'd just stop by. You know, see what the university life is like."

Tom expression was blank, when he finally figured Beca was just messing with him he laughed, "you're funny."

Beca took the package from her bag and gave it to him, in return he handed her a wad of cash. Beca counted through the bills haphazardly. Yeah, Beca did this for the money but this guy was a college kid. He's broke enough as it is – although purely based on looks – his daddy was probably bank rolling. "You're good."

Tom looked down at the package almost mesmerized by the tiny pills within it. That was one of the many things Beca hated about this job; fueling people's addictions. It kept Beca awake most nights. "Hey Tom…take it easy with that shit, okay?"

Tom nodded, sliding the package into his back pocket, "feel free to stick around. Grab a drink or whatever."

Beca nodded but she had no intention to stay. No one here seemed good enough to take home so she'd much rather go back to the small apartment she shared with Stacie and convince the tall brunette to do _anything_ other than study. Seriously the girl-

Beca stopped dead in her tracks because in the grey of all the faces, someone caught her eye. The girl had a fit body and her hair was a sea of red waves. She was leaning against the drinks table talking animatedly to a heavy-set blonde. The blonde said something that was apparently funny because the girl laughed loudly and Beca had to squint to keep watching because it was _that_ beautiful.

Then she turned and there's eyes met. Beca just about died on the spot for two different reasons, one, she was embarrassed that she had been caught staring and two, this girl had _unbelievable_ eyes. There had to be about a billion ways to describe them but Beca could only come up with one; blue.

The girl gave Beca a quick smile and a winked before disappearing into the house.

Beca raised her hand to her chest and held it there until her heartbeat calmed to something that seemed normal enough. _On second thought, maybe I_ will _stay for a drink_.

She shuffled awkwardly towards the table where the girl was and stared down at her options. Vodka. Jack Daniels. Beer. Orange juice.

"Hey there shorty, almost didn't see you from behind the table." The Australian – if Beca was interpreting her accent correctly – said.

Beca rolled her eyes but smiled, "pretty risky cracking jokes about a stranger."

"Please, once you've wrestled crocodiles nothing's risky." The blonde handed a red solo cup to Beca. "Who are you anyway?"

Beca sniffed the drink and she swore just that already made her tipsy, "um, just Mitchell."

"Okay, Just Mitchell. I'm Fat Amy."

Beca smirked, "of course you are."

"Are you a freshman?"

"No, I don't go to school here." _Or anywhere._ Beca a took a sip and fought the urge to wince. "I'm guessing you are though."

"That would be an accurate guess."

Beca ended up pulling a lawn chair up beside the blonde and together, they tried every possible combination of drink they could until Beca couldn't even see straight. Everything was blurred together in a huge colorless mess.

It stayed that way for a long time until there was red hair and blue eyes walking towards them.

"Oh my God Amy," Beca heard her say.

Amy muttered something, Beca didn't understand what she had said though. Then hands were on her. They were soft but strong. They were helping her up. The words, "do you have a dorm room?" were whispered into her ear.

Amy said something else.

 _How is she not as drunk as me right now?_

That was the last thought Beca had remembered thinking before waking up the next morning. A second after waking up she rolled over to the edge of the bed she was on and threw up. A second after throwing up, she realized that this, was not her room.

"Wow, that's just great."

Beca looked up, her head was spinning and aching and her mouth was dry. Red hair and blue eyes was leaning against the wall, a yellow mug in her hand. Beca groaned. The most beautiful woman Beca has ever seen had just saw her empty her stomach onto the carpet. Beca looked down at the saliva coated, yellowy liquid that had already begun to seep into the carpet and felt it rise in her throat again.

"The bucket!" Red hair and blue eyes squeaked. "Use the bucket!"

Beca raised one hand up and croaked, "I'm not going to-"

But she did. This time aiming in the general direction of the large white bucket. Beca let out a long breath, "least fifty percent is in the bucket." She squinted at the bucket that was now dripping with her vomit. " _But_ I'm not very good at math."

"Good to know." Red gave her a tight-lipped smile. "I figured with all that money, you'd at least be good at counting. Thanks for setting the record straight though."

Beca tilted her head and scrunched her eyebrows together, "you went through my bag?"

Red took a sip from her mug and shook her head, once, "no. I saw it when you were shoving like thousands of dollars at me, demanding I strip for you last night."

Beca winces, "I'm…not usually like that."

"Me neither but last night I figured why not, you know? Did you enjoy it?" Red asked, completely serious. "You certainly looked like you did."

Beca's face burned. Her mouth opened, her head leant forward. No way was drunk Beca so smooth that she'd get a girl – especially not _this_ girl – to strip for her. There's no… "really? You _stripped_ for me?" _Drunk me?_

Red laughed and Beca shivered, "no but your reaction just answered a lot of questions for me. Except for one crucial one."

"What's that?"

"Your name."

"I don't give that ou–" Something buzzed against Beca's thigh. Her phone. She pulled it out of her pocket, a text from Stacie. But really, who else would it be? All caps. **BECA YOU'RE LATE.** Beca's heart dropped. _Shit._ She stood up, pushing the bile she felt making its way up again and leapt – awkwardly – over the mess she had made on Red's carpet. "I have to go. I'll pay for someone to clean your carpet. All of them if you want."

Red's teasing smile faded, "that's okay, um, my roommate she throws up a lot when she's nervous. I think the 100th clean is free."

Beca started to smirk. Her lip curved up the way it normally did. But this time, instead of one edge of her lip lifting, both did. She was smiling, like full on grinning. And Red was smiling back. That was a relief. She had figured her face forced her to smirk instead of smiling all these years because her smile was outrageously hideous or something but – guess not. "Thanks, Red. Really."

Red gave her a restrained smile, "Chloe."

"What?" Beca asked, she was running on borrowed time now but this girl was…captivating.

"My name's Chloe, not Red."

 _Oh._ Beca hadn't even registered that she had said _Red_ out loud. Beca nodded. "Sorry. Chloe. Okay. Cool. Chloe. Nice."

Beca felt another buzz against her thigh and then another and then another. She groaned, internally. _I get it Stace, I'm coming. Jeez._

Something snapped in Beca's head after she had left Chloe's apartment that day. Chloe was a normal – besides everything about her – college student. She had a roommate and classes and a yellow mug and a perfect smile. And Beca, wasn't. She was a twenty-two-year-old – high school dropout – drug dealer. Hers and Chloe's lives would never mesh. Not even just as friends. That's why she didn't give Chloe or anyone else her name. 'Cause in Beca's line of work even just her name is a huge commitment.

And to make her feel even worse about herself, when she made it outside. There was Tom. Tom was there but he was passed out and he was face down. Under the sun, on top of the grass. Beca didn't bother to check on him, she knew he went overboard. She knew there was nothing she could do for him. Nothing anyone could. She walked over to a shady looking payphone. Closed her eyes and dialed 9-1-1.

"9-1-1. What's your emergency?"

 _I think I'm going to kill myself._ "There's a boy passed out in the courtyard here."

Beca gave the address. Hung up the phone. And left. Adding another name under the list of people she had inadvertently killed. About 23 names now, the first one being her mother's.


	4. Chapter 4

Beca was sat, cross legged on the floor in front of the chipped coffee table in hers and Stacie's apartment. Her head leant back on the couch. Her headphones blasting Lord Huron's _Dead Man's Hand_ so loud into ears that she was sure they were bleeding. She hadn't gone to meet Stacie despite the gazillion texts she received. She hadn't gone because she couldn't go. Because Tom was haunting her. More specifically his eyes were. His eyes when she had given him the drugs. The bewitchment in them. She had warned him. She had handed him the loaded gun, disabled the safety, taught him how to shoot but warned him not to. But he still did. Of course, he did.

Beca reached into her pocket and pulled out a small bag. Like the one that she gave Tom. Full of the same drugs. The tiny white, tamper-proof pills. _Tamper-proof_. Not kill proof. She had warned him. She opened the bag. Took a pill into her hand. Popped it into her mouth and swallowed. How many had Tom swallowed, she wondered. She swallowed another one.

 _What's the plan, Beca?_

Beca hadn't heard the door slam. She hadn't heard the feet stomping towards her. But she felt the baggy being ripped out of her hands. Saw the pills spill everywhere. She swiveled her head and looked up into furious muted green eyes that she knew all too well.

Beca took off her head phones and let them hang around her neck, "what's up, Stace?"

"You're doing drugs now?" Stacie snarled. She was wearing her backpack and a sweater and she had sunglasses pushed up into her hair.

"I figured I'd see if it lived up to the hype."

"Beca, that was the one thing you promised me when you started this. You said you would stay clean."

"Would you chill, it was only two pills." Beca said. "It's not like I'll be going to rehab anytime soon."

"EC came by." Stacie said. Beca rolled her eyes. EC was her drug supplier. "He said you agreed to meet this morning. He told me to text you. Did you get them or did you want me to spend an hour with the douchebag? He was leering at my boobs the entire time."

Beca hated EC. She had hoped to never have him meet Stacie but Tom's death really screwed her over. Beca would have to let him know Stacie was off limits. To not even _think_ about her. "Did you get the drugs?"

Stacie let out a sardonic laugh, "priorities, Beca."

Beca kept staring.

"I got them but I'm not so sure If should give them to you."

Beca glared up at her, "fine. Don't give them to me. You pay the rent. You can pay for your textbooks. And your tuition. And food."

Stacie dropped her backpack on the couch and joined Beca on the floor, "you know you could get a normal job. I could get a job too."

"I can't, Stace. I'm too far in and you should point all your focus on school. At least then you'll be able to break out of this endless loop and actually make a _good_ life for yourself." Beca said. That's all anyone wanted right. It was probably what Tom wanted too.

"I can't focus when I'm worried about you one hundred percent of the time." Stacie admitted. "Promise me no taking drugs. Not even just two pills."

Beca nodded, "I promise."

"Good." Stacie shifted so she was now looking directly at Beca. "Now tell me what happened."

"What?" Beca feigned confusion. But she knew that Stacie knew. You can't have gone through everything they have and not know when something was bothering the other.

"It's all over your face, Beca. Somethings up."

So Beca told her the story. Including Amy. Including Chloe. And Stacie listened, gasping, and covering her mouth when Beca told her Tom had died this morning. _Just this morning._ It felt like an eternity ago. What were Tom's last words? His last thoughts?

Stacie stayed quiet for a while after that. Beca understood, this was the first death that she had caused that she had ever told Stacie about – well besides her mother's. But the silence was making her ears hurt more than the music had been earlier. So, she unplugged her phone from her headphones and placed it on the coffee table letting the music fill the space.

The song repeated three times over before Stacie finally spoke, "I don't what to say, Beca. Has this happened before? I mean, that you know of?"

Beca clenched her jaw and glared at the floor giving Stacie all the answer she needed. Stacie sighed and then pulled Beca against her. Her chin rested on Beca's head. Her hand rubbing up and down her back. Beca was never one to enjoy being touched by people but Stacie was different. Stacie made her feel okay. Safe. So, she closed her eyes and let herself be squeezed. "Whatever happens, Beca, you know I'll be here for you – always."

* * *

 **Two Day Later**

"Hey EC, what was that guy's last name – you know Tom – the one you told me to sell to last week?" Beca asked into her phone, staring at the obituary in the paper.

"Uh," EC's voice grumbled through the speaker. He was either high or just waking up. Knowing him, it was probably a combination of both of those. "Walker, I think. Why? You fall in love or somethin'?"

Beca rolled her eyes, "yeah, he has completely changed my life." She hung up not giving EC a chance to figure out if she was being serious or not. In one sense, she kind of was telling the truth. Tom's death had changed her life. More so than any of the others besides the first death she had caused.

 **Thomas Walker,** the paper had said. **1995 – 2017**

It was standard obituary. Talking about how he was always the life of the party. _Ironic._ He was in his final year, studying business so that he could take over his dad's one day. No mention of drugs. But they added a number at the bottom just in case anybody needed to talk. _Beca_ needed to talk. Just below the number was a date and location where Tom's funeral would be held. The date was the date that day. And the time was at 3. Beca's phone had said the time right then was 1:45.

Beca called Stacie, who picked up on the second ring and whispered, "I just entered my class, so whatever you need make it quick."

"Are you doing anything at three?" Beca asked, circling the obituary twice with her red pen.

"My class ends right at 2:45, so coming home, probably. Why?"

"I'll pick you up." Beca said, ignoring Stacie's question. "Are you wearing black?"

"No?"

"I'll bring you clothes. You can change in the car."

"Wha–"

Beca disconnected the call.

* * *

"Tom's funeral?" Stacie asked, sliding her black dress on in the backseat while Beca drove to the funeral home. "Is that a good idea? I mean, you kind of kille-"

"I know what I did, okay?" Beca gripped the steering wheel. It was all she could think about.

"Is this your way of punishing yourself?"

"No." _yes._ "I just, I need to go to this, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

The funeral was standard funeral and by what everyone around Beca was saying about him, Beca concluded that Tom was a pretty standard guy. He had a lot of people that cared about him which only made Beca feel worse about herself. God, she had warned him.

What surprised her the most was when Chloe – who looked miserable and beautiful – went up to the podium to give the eulogy. Her eyes were red and she kept wiping her nose. The happy, eye twinkling smile that she had on last night and even this morning was gone. Beca would have found it hard to believe such a smile could have existed on Chloe's lips compared to how sad she looked right then, if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes. "Tom and I grew up together," she said, her voice cracking. "Anyone who knew us knew we were best friends."

Beca sunk in her seat, trying to hide behind the people seated in front of her. _Way to go Beca, you killed her best friend._ She sunk further and further the more Chloe talked – sobbed, cried, choked – about Tom. Stacie gave Beca a look – like _what're you doing? Sit up, properly –_ when she had sunk so far that her back was wear her butt should be on the seat.

Beca sat up and just like magnets, just like she didn't want, their eyes met. Chloe eyes widen a little in surprise and some people turned to find out why. Beca raised one side of her mouth in a sympathetic smile. Stacie bowed her head and stared down at her heels. The people turned back around and Stacie mouthed _Chloe?_ at her. Beca shut her eyes and shook her head.

When the whole service was over people stood up and Tom's body was carried out. Beca apologized a thousand times in her head when the casket was walked passed her.

Stacie leant over next to Beca's ear and whispered, "are we going to the burial?"

Beca shook her head.

People started to leave to get to their cars to follow the hearse to the burial sight. Beca and Stacie trailed behind the crowd.

"I kept thinking what it would be like to lose you during the eulogy." Stacie said. Beca turned her head to look at her. "That girl – Chloe, I'm guessing – was strong. If it had been me giving the eulogy about you, I'd have broken down before I could get to the podium." Stacie laughed a little, sad, laugh. Beca swallowed the lump in her throat. "They'd probably have to sedate me or something. Actually, I wouldn't even be at your funeral because the second I'd have found out you were gone, I'd find a way to go with you."

Beca nodded and swallowed, "me too, Stace."

The sun poured over them when they entered the parking lot. Only three cars were left. Beca's, a white buggy and a van with the funeral service sticker along the side of it.

"Mitchell!" Someone called out and Beca's skin crawled. That name. The one of a killer. Beca and Stacie turned around and to both their surprises Chloe was walking towards them. "That is your name, isn't it?"

Stacie gave Beca a look and then said, "it's not, actually." She looked at Beca again. "Hey, I actually have school pretty early tomorrow so I'm going to head back. See you at home." Then to Chloe, "I'm truly sorry for your loss."

Beca glared at the back of Stacie's retreading head and then at the car as it left the parking lot. Chloe was looking at Beca with a broken but expectant expression on her face. Beca closed her eyes for a long second. _You killed her best friend the least you could do is tell her your name._ "It's Beca, actually."

"Oh," Chloe wrung her hands together. "Amy said – well, anyway – I didn't know you knew Tom."

"Yeah," Beca nodded, with a tight-lipped smile. "Met him at a party."

"He is al- he _was_ always at them. God," Chloe fanned at her eyes.

Beca shifted on her feet, "um, are you not going to the burial?"

"Can't bring myself to."

"I'm sorry, Chloe." It wasn't a condolence. It was an apology. And Beca meant it whole heartedly.

"Do you know how he died?" Chloe asked, suddenly.

Beca's heart froze, "what? No. How would I-"

"No, I mean do you want to know." Chloe amended. "It wasn't in the papers or anything. Tom's parents are trying to keep it a secret. Only the person that called it in and Tom's family and mine know. None of his friends got to find out, so."

Beca shifted, hugging herself and then dropping her arms to her sides. _No. I don't want to know how he died. I already know. I killed him. Shit, if I knew, I swear I wouldn't have given them to him._ "Would it make you feel better?"

Chloe looked right into Beca's eyes. Beca hoped she wasn't reading the secrets within them, "I don't know, hopefully."

 _You owe her this much,_ "then let's go. I know a place where we can talk. Um, if you want to go there with me?"

Chloe just stared at Beca for a long time. Like she was seeing all her flaws. And Beca had _so_ many. People never looked past them and she figured Chloe wouldn't either. Not that she should. Beca couldn't be trusted. She was a born killer. Not one with guns or knives. Just pills. "Okay."

"Wait. Really?" Beca couldn't even hide her surprise.

Chloe gave her a small smile and wiped her eyes, "yes."

"Okay, well, I need your keys."


	5. Chapter 5

**I wasn't exactly pleased with this chapter so I might delete it and write a new one. So, don't get to attached to it. But if you did like it, let me know and I'll roll with it. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

To say Beca was relieved when she finally parked – in a makeshift parking lot consisting of four posts stuck in the grass and a frayed rope tied loosely to each of them – was an understatement. Chloe had cried the _entire_ drive. The crying ranged from unshed tears in her eyes to full on sobbing into her sleeve. Beca didn't expect it would be different. She knew Chloe would cry. What she didn't expect was the heaviness of the guilt she felt hearing it. Beca didn't even know how to describe it. She just knew that she had never felt guiltier in her life. She kept thinking, _what if I never gave Tom those drugs? What if I never went to the party? What if I never became a drug dealer? What if I had never been born?_ But what ifs and wishes were a stupid thing to think about.

Beca looked over at Chloe, she was a lot calmer now, only occasionally wiping at her eyes. Chloe met Beca's eyes. She pressed her lips together and looked at Beca with a helpless expression.

Beca understood. She brought her bottom lip into her mouth and nodded, "you're having second thoughts about trusting me. Even more so now that we're in the middle of no where, surrounded by nothing but trees and grass. Right?" _I get, Chloe. I really do._ "That's okay, I'll take you back."

Beca stuck the key back into the ignition but when she went to turn it, Chloe's hand reached out and stopped her. Beca looked over her shoulder. Chloe shook her head, "it's not that."

Beca raised one side of her mouth and sunk back into her seat.

"I'm just not ready to talk about Tom yet." Chloe wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry I made you drive all the way out here."

 _It's not like I hide other plans._ Beca shook her head, "you still want to go see where I was talking about? I mean, we can still talk but like, about other things, if you want? If you just want to go home, then that's cool too."

"I don't want to go home right now." Chloe said.

Beca nodded, "then come on."

They walked silently together on flat lands of overgrown grass. Surrounded by trees. Being bathed by the late afternoon sun. Then Beca stopped abruptly and said, "ta-da" with none of the fanfare normally attached to that phrase. There it was. In the middle of the field. Right there in front of them. A five-hundred-and-fifty foot, abandoned, Ferris wheel. Beca repeated the words EC said when he first brought her here. " _Beinvenido al parasio."_ Welcome to paradise. _Paradise_ being the name of the Ferris wheel.

Chloe smiled. It was broken and didn't reach her eyes but it was a smile.

"Kinda cheesy, right?" Beca said, scratching the back of her neck. "Come on."

One night, two years ago, EC and a couple of his buddies – Bumper and Ronald – were out getting drunk right here on this field. Someone brought up the fact that you could rent amusement park rides. With all the money EC had, he had said something like _why the fuck not?_ It got delivered the next day – under the pretence that it was for a charity event – they had even hooked up a generator to run the ride for them. The day after that, someone stole the generator and EC told Beca he didn't feel like returning the ride. He said, if Beca ever scored a "hot chick" she could take her out here. Beca had declined his offer. So, it just got left here. Made to be forgotten. Until right now, anyway.

Beca had always thought the idea of bringing someone here was sort of fucked up. But looking at the wheel silhouetted against the sky – the wind. Chloe. The feeling that they're the only two people on the planet. – it was all really kind of beautiful.

The carriages were brightly colored – green, yellow, orange, blue – but the carriage right at the bottom, the only one they could sit in without climbing the thing, had its paint chipped off. It went red, purple, grey.

Beca helped Chloe up into the carriage and then slid in after her. They were quiet. Their thighs pressed together in the middle. Beca swung her legs back and forth rocking them both. The joints screeched. She stopped. _Say something._ "So, what do you think?"

"Of paradise?" Chloe smiled. A full smile. "I like it. I mean I kind of figured when you said we could go somewhere to talk it wasn't going to be some café."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean, it's not like I guessed you'd take me to an abandoned Ferris wheel but I knew it wouldn't be somewhere obvious."

"Because I'm awkward and weird?"

Chloe shook her head and met Beca's eyes, "no, because there's something different about you."

"And how do you know that?" Beca asked, not sure if she even wanted the answer.

"It's in your eyes. You seem to hold the world in them. You look at one thing and see a series of somethings. Am I right? I mean I saw the way you were staring at me." Beca swallowed hard. Her face hot. Chloe didn't let on if she noticed and continued to talk. "I'm majoring in journalism and minoring in psychology, I'm pretty good at reading people and figuring out what's true or not. You have secrets, don't you?"

"Doesn't everybody?"

''Not me." Chloe's smile turned into a challenge. "Ask me anything."

 _Marry me?_ "I don't know. Um, what's your last name?" Beca shrugged, lamely. It seemed kind of odd that Beca had asked Chloe to strip for, threw up in her bedroom and killed her best friend but didn't even know what her last name was.

Chloe laughed, "it's Beale. I thought you'd want to know something more – you know – gossip worthy."

"Guess you're not as good at reading people as you thought you were." Beca smirked.

"I'll figure you out eventually, Beca Mitchell."

"That requires further interactions."

"I wouldn't be opposed to that." Chloe said, confident.

 _Go ahead, risk it all for a pretty smile._ "Me neither."

They smiled at each other for a moment until something caught Beca's eyes. She tilted her head and looked up. There were legs dangling from a carriage. The one all the way at the top. Beca could see the bottom of expensive looking shoes. _What the fuck?_

Beca kept staring. She didn't want to yell out to the person but she wanted to know who it was. The person started to shift to the side. Beca swallowed. They looked over the edge of the carriage. Beca lost her breath. Her heart forgot to beat. Her brain short circuited. Staring down at her was _Tom_. He was wearing the same charcoal grey sweater. _Impossible._ He stared down at Beca. His eyes sad and empty and like he was saying, _look at what you did to me. Look at the life you took from me. The_ girl _you took from me._

"How the hell…" Beca whispered under her breath.

"Beca," Chloe shook Beca's arm. "You all right?"

Beca blinked and looked at Chloe and then back up to where Tom had been. He wasn't there anymore. _Fucking hell._ Beca shook her head."Uh yeah, sorry. I just, I thought I saw something."

* * *

They had talked – well, Chloe had. Beca just listened and deflected any question directed at her back at Chloe – until the sun went down. Until they couldn't ignore the cold biting at them anymore.

Beca drove them back into the city. Chloe directed Beca to her apartment. Beca parked, they both got out and Beca walked Chloe into the lobby of her apartment building. They stood outside of the elevator.

"How're you getting back?" Chloe asked, jiggling her keys.

Beca shrugged, "I'll probably walk."

"You could take the bug." Chloe offered. "You know, I had no idea how I'd get through the rest of this day but you really helped me. It's the least I can do."

Beca started to shake her head.

"Please?" Chloe insisted. "It'll give me a reason to see you again."

Beca's cheeks heated up. "Um, okay, when should I bring it back?" Beca asked, accepting the keys.

"I'll just text you." They had exchanged numbers on the drive back.

"All right," Beca nodded, she pressed the _up_ button on the elevator. "I'll see you then."

Chloe looked hesitant for a second but then the elevator open and she shook her head and stepped into it. In the glistening grey of the closed doors Beca could see Tom standing behind her. She whipped around, not surprised to find that he wasn't actually there.

Beca let out a breath and wiped her eyes.

* * *

"Hey Stace," Beca said, as she breezed into the kitchen, grabbed two beers, walked into the living room, and slumped in the spot next to her best friend who was reading a textbook on the couch. Beca handed a bottle to Stacie then twisted the cap off hers and chugged 'til it was half-way.

"Hey," Stacie yawned, she pushed her glasses up into her hair and rubbed her eyes. "How did it go? Do you feel less guilty?"

Beca finished her beer, "I think I feel guiltier."

Stacie sipped her bottle, "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. You know, you told me this could happen." Stacie looked at her with a question in her eyes. "When I started this job, you told me I'd have to accept the consequences. At first, I thought you meant getting arrested or something like that. I get it now. I'm ruining lives, Stace. I'm ruining lives just to live mine-"

"Ours."

"No, I made this choice. I won't like you take the blame for this." _It's too much._

"Too bad, Beca. Ir's not your decision to make. I told you, we're in this together. I'm not going to leave you as long as you don't leave me. And let's be honest, we could never." Stacie said, staring right into Beca's eyes. "I love you, Becs."

"I love you too, Stace."

"Maybe you could quit." Stacie suggested, her voice wistful. "We can go talk to EC tomorrow. If he won't let you, we'll go to the cops."

"And then what?" Beca smirked. "Just be normal people? That's so not us dude."

Stacie laughed, "I don't think we could ever be normal but at least we'd be legal."

Beca threw her arm around Stacie's shoulders. _Sounds like living a dream._


	6. Chapter 6

"So, do you understand why I have to stop?" Beca asked. She was sat across EC at a small, circular, wooden table at some coffee shop. To anyone they probably looked like friends catching up. Although – maybe it's just Beca's bias but – she's not sure what a 5'2 white girl and 6'3, jacked, Spanish dude would really have in common. Maybe soap operas. Maybe drugs. Who's to say?

"Yeah, yeah." EC nodded, scratching at the stubble on his chin. "I getcha."

Beca was surprised, "seriously?"

"Yeah, you want a life and shit, I get it."

Beca leaned forward a bit, narrowing her eyes in disbelief. "You're not gonna shoot me in the back when I walk out of here, are you? 'Cause like that would so not be cool."

"Nah, I'm not going to do that but I do have one request." EC leant back in his chair and crossed his arms. _Was he flexing?_

"Okay," Beca said, purposefully dragging out the word. She knew it couldn't have just been that easy. She knew he'd want something in return. Guys like EC were always doing what benefitted them. "What is it?"

"You lift your ban off that leggy friend of yours."

Beca's blood turned to ice, "what?"

"You know, your friend Stacie." He said it with a disgusting amount of lust that Beca just wanted to lunge at him and kill him right there. Right in the middle of the coffee shop. In front all the people watching them.

Beca's fingers curled into her palm. Her nails broke the skin there. Her teeth ground together, "I know who you're talking about and no."

"Aw, come on. You're no fun."

"You're not getting anywhere close to Stacie. Call me whatever the fuck you want." Maybe Beca should've stopped right then. No, not maybe, she definitely _should_ have but she didn't. "You're a disgusting pig. Actually, that's an insult to pigs. Stay the fuck away from Stacie. You're a train wreck going no where and Stacie's actually gonna make something of herself. I won't let you or anyone else get in the way of that."

"Alright," EC stood up, stretching himself up to his full length. "Then we don't got a deal. You'll still be working for me and I expect the same amount of whatever you make or I'll send my boys after you and your delicious friend."

Beca let out a breath. EC took out a finely wrapped package from his bag and on his way out he slammed it so hard into Beca's stomach Beca thought she might die right there. Beca held it together best as she could until after he had left and then let herself collapse onto the table. She took gasping breath after breath. _Great job, Becs._

Beca stayed like that – cheek pressed into the table, arms crossed above her head – until she heard her phone rumble against the table. It was a text from Stacie. _ **I'm here.**_

Beca got up and stretched, immediately regretting it when her stomach panged with pain. She tried to walk as normally as she could. One foot up, over, and then the next. Repeat. Stacie flipped up the sun visor and waved enthusiastically when she saw Beca through the coffee shop window. Beca gave her tight lipped smile. Stacie had been waiting patiently for two weeks – since the day they had talked about Beca quitting her "job" – for Beca to finally talk to EC so it made sense why she was so excited that Beca finally had gone through with it.

 _And now you're going to let her down._

Instead of turning out the doors, Beca turned to the counter where an enthusiastic teenager was standing behind it with a huge smile on her face.

"Do you by any chance serve vodka here…or Xanax?" Beca asked, tapping her finger against the wood.

The teenager – Emily, as it said on her apron – widened her big doe eyes. She looked from Beca to her cellphone behind the register and then to Beca again. "Um, no. Sorry. We don't." She hesitated for a moment before adding, "but maybe the bar down the street could assist you or maybe a therapist."

Beca smirked. That was funny. Then she left.

"So, how was it?" Stacie asked, as soon as Beca had clipped her seatbelt in. Stacie acted nonchalant but Beca could tell she was eager to know what happened.

Beca opened her mouth to tell the truth. She really did. But somewhere along the way from her thoughts to her mouth the words came out wrong. "He let me go."

Stacie beamed, "really?"

Beca nodded and looked out the window. The sun was at the height of its performance. The sky was bright blue. Like Chloe's eyes were. _Maybe a therapist really_ could _help me, huh?_

Stacie probably sensed that Beca didn't want to talk so she turned the radio up a little louder and started over exaggeratedly grabbing her boobs and flipping her hair to one of Rhianna's songs. Beca rolled her eyes and despite all her guilt, she couldn't fight off the smile that formed on her lips.

* * *

Later that day, Beca was laying on her bed with her shirt rolled up just below her bra, exposing a purple and red bruise that spanned across the majority of her abdomen where EC had hit her.

She was scrolling through pictures on her phone – most of them were of her and Stacie, the newer ones included Chloe and occasionally Amy – when she got a text. _**Are you busy?**_ It was from Chloe.

 _ **No**_ _,_ Beca texted back. She had been texting and hanging out with Chloe pretty frequently since the day at the Ferris wheel. And based on all the previous texts Beca had gotten from Chloe, she found it weird that this one wasn't accompanied by any emoji's. _**Why?**_

Not a second later, _**Can I come over?**_

 _ **If you want**_ _,_ Beca threw her phone onto her night stand and got up to shower and change before Chloe arrived.

* * *

"Chloe's here," Stacie said, knocking lightly on Beca's door.

"Cool, I'll be there in a sec." Beca called, she was standing in front of the mirror wearing only her ripped jeans and a small golden chain around her neck. Stacie had one identical to it. Both 24 karats. Beca had bought them for their first Christmas together. The Christmas after that, they both got tattoos on the sides of their wrists. Beca got a small _S_ and Stacie got a small _B._

There was another knock on the door.

"I said, one second, Stace." Beca called again. The door opened and Beca spun around and found Chloe frozen with her hand tight on the door knob, blushing hard. Beca's eyes widened, her arms wrapped around her chest. "Dude!"

"Sorry," Chloe squeaked. Beca might have found that cute if she wasn't so embarrassed. She reached onto her bed grabbing a grey T-shirt and putting it on. They stared at each other for a moment.

"Sorry," Chloe said again, this time quieter but less like she actually meant it. "I wasn't thinking."

Beca shook her head, "n-no worries."

They shifted in their own spaces for a bit Beca clasped and unclasped her hands. _You're an amazing hostess Beca. Keep saying nothing. You got this._ Just when Beca was about to speak, Chloe blurted out, "I had a shit day" _me too_ "and I kind of want to cuddle and watch a movie with you, is that okay?"

"Uh-" _It's not that she didn't want to._

"I know movies aren't your thing but I was hoping you'd make an exception for me." Chloe added, probably seeing Beca's hesitation. "If you really don't want to we can just talk or whatever."

Beca started to nod and then shook her head, she owed it to Chloe. Beca briefly wondered when hanging out would feel like just hanging out and not like she owed it to Chloe to, "I could probably live through _one_ movie."

Chloe smiled but it didn't reach her eyes.

Beca grabbed her laptop, got on her bed, and motioned for Chloe to join her. Chloe kicked off her shoes and got on the bed too. They sat with at least a foot between them. _So much for cuddling._

"So," Beca said, pulling up Netflix on her screen. "Why was your day shit?"

Chloe played with the hem of her shirt, "I walked to Tom's apartment today knocked on the door and some old guy opened door." _Oh._ "The worst thing was the entire way there, I forgot that he died. It was like having to find out all over again."

Beca stayed silent, what could she have even said to that besides _I'm sorry_? She didn't want to do that so she did what she thought was the next best thing. She reached over and took Chloe's hand in hers, rubbing soothingly up and down Chloe's thumb with her own. "Uh, so, what did you want to watch?"

"Something cheesy." Chloe said, something in her eyes shifted. They held something in them that they hadn't before. Beca couldn't place what exactly it was.

"You'll have to give me a title." _Or I'll probably make you watch a documentary about cheese._

"Um, okay." Chloe thought about it for a while., staring down at their hands. "How about – and don't make fun of me – _The Notebook_?"

Beca held back an eyeroll. But not wanting to make Chloe's day any worse by arguing, she pulled up the movie and pressed play. Chloe shifted closer, went below the covers, and snuggled up to Beca's side, throwing an arm over Beca's stomach. Beca bit her lip to keep from groaning in pain. The movie played and Beca was bored within minutes but Chloe was completely enamoured.

This was just one of those things that reminded Beca how different her and Chloe were. Beca didn't watch stuff like _The Notebook._ Even if she was forced to watch a movie, she wouldn't. She didn't believe in cliché stories about love like that. A life full of abandonment and hatred could do that to a person. But Chloe, she grew up normal. She had two parents and an older brother, none of which Beca had met, but from the stories Chloe told her, they seemed nice. Perfect, even. They fought and had their fair share of problems– as all families do – but with the constant undercurrent of love, they always worked through it. Of course, Chloe would think stories like _The Notebook_ could come true. And maybe they could for a person that pure and good. But Beca wasn't pure or good. And the only constant love Beca ever had was Stacie and as much as she'd like to say that was enough, her varied feelings of emotional detachment to most things and extreme fixation on others told her otherwise.

Chloe's fingers shifted to the edge of Beca's shirt and Beca fought the urge to squirm. They snuck under the cotton material and slid across her lower abdomen. Chloe's fingers were soft and warm. They grazed over the ridge of Beca's muscles. Beca winced and couldn't stop the hissed "fuck" that came out of her mouth.

Chloe looked up at her curiously, "are you okay?"

She prodded the same area again and Beca pushed her hand away. Chloe paused the movie, sat up, and moved the laptop off Beca's legs. She pushed Beca's shirt up. Beca heard her breath hitch, "Jesus. What happened?" Chloe's fingers moved over the bruise this time gentler.

Beca's cheeks warmed, she pushed her shirt back down. "Um, I ran into a desk. No biggie."

"Look me in the eyes and tell me that." Chloe said, clearly not believing Beca's lie.

Beca couldn't do it. She could lie, sure. But never while looking someone in the face. "I don't want to talk about it."

Chloe hooked her fingers under Beca's chin and raised her head until they were eye to eye, "did someone hit you?"

Beca jerked away from Chloe's hand and stared down at her grey bedsheets. "Can we just watch the rest of the movie?" She couldn't tell Chloe what really happened to her without getting into everything else. Without bringing up Tom. Tom that suddenly took the place of Noah Calhoun in the row boat on her paused laptop screen.

"Are you in some kind of trouble?" Chloe asked, reaching for Beca's hand.

"No." _Yes._

"Would you tell me if you were?"

"Yes." _No._

Chloe squeezed Beca's hand, "good because I've come to genuinely care about you Beca. You've helped me probably more then you could know and after losing Tom, I don't think I can handle losing anyone else without going completely insane."

 _Wow, she_ genuinely _cares about you and your lying to her._

"Do you want to go out with me? Like on a date?" Beca blurted, the tips of her ears and her cheeks on fire. _Completely inappropriate. Was two weeks of hanging out even enough to ask someone on a date? Was it enough to think you could love someone?_

Chloe looked surprised and then doubtful, "is this your way of changing the subject-"

"No." Beca shook her head. Honestly, she didn't know if it was. " _Genuinely_."

Chloe beamed, "God, yes. I would love to."


	7. Chapter 7

It was dark and cold and the sky drizzled down on whoever was still walking the streets this late into the night. Beca was one of those people. She had waited until she was sure Stacie was asleep to leave the apartment. She had to sell the drugs EC gave her without Stacie noticing somehow. If it meant a few hours of wasted sleep, then fine. Beggars can't be choosers, can they?

Beca had already sold a bunch of the drugs at prices _way_ higher than reasonable. She got a lot of glares and curses tossed her way but Beca didn't really care. They still paid the price at the end. It made Beca want to throw up thinking about how far people would do to get their high. It was all miserable and grey until they popped their pills or injected themselves. And Beca showed up like fucking Santa Claus with exactly what they needed to do that.

Beca was aimlessly walking down nameless streets when she bumped into one of her usual buyers, Gerald. Beca wasn't sure of that was his real name, he looked more like a Gary to her. _Irrelevant._

"Oh, hey Mitchell." Gerald grunted.

Beca fought the urge to gag at the smell of alcohol coming off him in tsunami waves, "wassup, Gerald?"

Gerald twitched as he looked around, "nothin' much. You workin'?"

"Unfortunately, yeah." Beca said.

"Can I get some?"

 _Can you afford it?_ Suddenly, Beca felt bad. The guy stood in front of her, shivering and drenched. His back was a little hunched, his clothes threadbare and his hair long and unruly. He was the picture of what parents told their kids they could become if they didn't get a good education. Hell, so was Beca.

"Have you ever thought of quitting?" Beca blurted. "There's tons of available help out there. I'm sure they can ween you off and find you a job or something. I could take you."

Gerald gave her a funny look, "this comin' from a drug dealer."

"You don't get it, dude." Beca sighed. "I'm trying to get away from this life. We could do it together, if you want?"

Gerald shifted on his feet, obviously thinking over Beca's words. He stretched his arms over his head. His shirt rode up. Beca saw a gun tucked into his belt. Her heart beat faster, "Is that a gun?"

He grunted, pulling his shirt down, "I ain't used it on anyone. Got no bullets." He said defensively. "It's kill or die sometimes, ya know?"

"No, I _don't_ know." Beca felt sick. "You can't have that."

"I know."

"Give it to me." Beca demanded, she held her hand out, palm out. It was way too much of a hazard for someone like Gerald to be carrying around a gun. No bullets or otherwise.

"What?" Gerald asked, his voice between shocked and reluctant. "You could go to jail for havin' an unlicensed gun."

"So could you." Beca shot back. He fidgeted and thought about it. The whole time Beca's heart pounded loudly in her ears. She blinked once and the gun was placed on her palm. Beca closed her eyes and swallowed, "thanks."

"Sure." He grumbled. "S'only because you're a good one, aren't ya?"

Beca put the gun in her bag, "I'm not good. Any plans for the rest of the night?"

Gerald shrugged, "not really."

"Wanna come with me somewhere?" Beca asked, looking up at the barely visible stars in the sky. _You watching mom?_

They walked in silence with the occasional car whizzing passed them. The rain was still consistently drenching them. Beca felt cold right down to her bones. She wasn't sure if it was because of the weather or the gun in her bag. _What am I supposed to do with it? Where am I going to hide it?_ _What if someone finds it?_

They got stopped at a bridge ten feet off over a large river. Beca dropped her bag on the ground and climbed the railing, her feet wobbling dangerously, looking to balance. Her body was buzzing with fear and adrenaline.

"What're you doin' kid?" Gerald asked, warily. "You ain't gonna off yourself, are ya?"

"Don't be stupid," Beca mumbled distractedly, she was busy trying to keep herself from falling. "Join me?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"Fine. Give me the drugs," Beca looked over her shoulder and glared. "And don't even think about pocketing any of them."

Gerald gave the package full of drugs EC had given her at the coffee shop. Beca gripped it with her left hand. Breathed in. Looked at the sky. And chucked them. The package twirled in the air and the tiny white pills spun out. It looked like snow. Poisonous snow. Beca exhaled and then jumped back. Her feet firmly landing on the ground.

Beca smirked at the crazed look Gerald was giving her.

"How're you supposed to give EC his share now, dummy?"

Beca shrugged, "I raised the prices."

"What about money for you?"

"I'm gonna get a real job." That would make her money and appease Stacie. "I'll be fine, what about you? Will you get help?"

"We'll see." Gerald said, he jabbed his thumb to his left. The opposite direction of where they came. "I'm gonna go that way. See where that road takes me. You stay safe Mitchell, ya hear?"

Beca nodded, "you too. And…it's Beca."

They split. Beca back towards her home. People she loved. Stacie. Chloe. Gerald towards some new life. Hopefully one sans drugs.

And for once Beca felt truly, indescribably, happy.

* * *

Beca drove to EC's. Left the money she made in his mailbox and drove away. When she eventually got home it was four in the morning. Stacie was fast asleep on the couch. She probably fell asleep waiting for Beca to get home.

Beca went to her bedroom. She stashed Gerald's gun in her sock drawer with a pounding heart. Showered and changed into warm, dry clothes. Then went back into the living room. She nudged Stacie shoulder gently.

Stacie stirred, "mm Beca, where were you?"

"Out," Beca whispered, crouching to Stacie's eye level, one hand on the arm of the couch.

Stacie rubbed her eyes, "doing what?"

Beca shrugged, "righting wrongs."

Stacie gave her a sleepy smile, "you left your cell here. Chloe called."

Beca's heart double beat, "yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I'll call her back. You should go to your bed, you've still got at least two hours before you need to get up."

"Alright." Stacie got up and then wrapped Beca in a warm, sleep hazed hug. "I'm proud of you."

* * *

Beca was lying on a hill on campus, with her headphones blaring Lord Huron's _Love Like Ghosts,_ while she waited for Stacie's class to let out when she felt someone gently nudge her foot. Beca took off her headphones and raised her head. Her eyes locked on bright blue ones and her lips raised without her permission. Beca let her headphones drop to her neck and stood up.

"Hey," Chloe smiled softly at her.

"Hey yourself, I was wondering why the birds started singing."

Chloe's cheek tinted pink and Beca's felt warm too. "What're you doing here?"

Beca reached over and tugged Chloe by her sleeve closer to her, "I was waiting for Stacie to finish class, we were going to get lunch together. You could join us, if you'd like?"

"Would I be intruding?" Chloe asked.

Beca shook her head, "nah, we have every meal together. And anyway, I don't think I can wait 'til Saturday to see you again." _Also, its probably time that you and Stacie met, officially._

Chloe smiled and cupped Beca's cheek with one hand. She rubbed Beca's face softly with her thumb, "you're really sweet."

"Mmm," Beca hummed, her eyes closed. She soaked up the feeling. This was a different kind of – love? – _something_ Beca has ever received before. She liked it. She really, _really_ liked it. And they haven't even gone on their date yet. "Just having a good day."

When Beca opened her eyes again, she immediately tensed. Tom was standing across the path under his own tree. Same sad look in his eyes. _Leave me alone. God-fucking-dammit, I'm sorry._ Beca wrapped one arm around Chloe's back and pulled her closer into her front. Chloe's hand dropped from Beca face in favor of wrapping both of her arms around Beca's neck.

"You okay?" Chloe murmured, into Beca's shirt.

"Yeah," Beca blinked until Tom disappeared. "Let's go get Stacie, yeah?"

* * *

"So, what're you majoring in?" Chloe asked Stacie, wiping her mouth with her napkin.

"Neuroscience. Gotta love the brain." Stacie answered with a genuine smile.

After they launched into the topic of school – Beca who was sat in between Stacie and Chloe at their circular table – tuned them out. At the beginning Beca watched them warily but once the food came all the awkward tension vanished and they seemed to be get along perfectly. It made Beca feel warm all the way down to her toes.

"Beca, eat your food." Stacie said, startling Beca by tapping Beca's plate that had an avocado sandwich on it with her fork.

Beca scrunched up her face, "I don't like it."

"Why'd you get it then?" Chloe asked, with a small laugh. "Here we can switch."

"Nah, I don't want your _salad._ " Beca teased.

"Hey! Salad is good for you." Chloe countered.

"Oh, is it? Didn't know you had a PhD in Salad." Beca joked, rolling her eyes. Chloe went to shove Beca but Beca caught her hand and grinned.

Stacie's phoned buzzed against the table. She picked it up, checked who it was and set it down again. Beca didn't miss how Stacie's mood shifted from being happy to uncomfortable.

"Who is it?" Beca asked, letting go of Chloe's hand.

"No one." Stacie shrugged and went back to eating but the grip on her fork was so tight that Stacie's usually tanned skin turned white.

Beca squinted at her best friend, _you're lying_ she wanted to say _._ But she also didn't want to confront Stacie in front of Chloe so she held her tongue.

The conversation stayed between Beca and Chloe for the rest of lunch until Chloe said she had to go back to her apartment because her roommate was apparently freaking out about something.

"Do you have to?" Beca almost whined.

"Yes, I'm sorry." Chloe said, wrapping her arms around Beca's neck. Beca put her arms around Chloe's shoulders and squeezed. The hug was long and warm and relationship-y. Chloe pulled slightly away and smiled at Beca, "I'll see you Saturday for our date though, right?"

"Absolutely."

Chloe kissed Beca on her cheek and then looked at Stacie, "it was honestly a pleasure to meet you. We should most definitely do it again soon, yeah?"

Stacie nodded, "yeah, definitely."

* * *

"I've never seen you like that before." Stacie said, they walked back to their apartment. Neither of them had money for gas, so they had to leave their car at their apartment that morning.

"Like what?" Beca asked.

"Like, I don't know." Stacie shrugged. "I guess I've just never seen you interact with someone so…affectionately."

Beca smiled, "it's weird, right? I've never been like that before with anyone besides you. Do you like Chloe? 'Cause it's important to me what you think."

"Yeah, I do. She's really sweet." Stacie pulled Beca into a side hug. "I'm so happy that you found someone like her."

Beca beamed. _Beamed._ "Me too. Wish it was under different circumstances though. I mean I killed her best friend. One day I'm going to have to tell her that, won't I?"

"You definitely have to. Like Lindsey, our cabin leader at TY camp used to say, ' _honesty's the best policy.'_ "

Beca rolled her eyes, "speaking of honesty, who texted you at lunch? I know it's not just no one."

Stacie's mood changed instantly, she slowed her pace, her eyebrows furrowed. "To be honest, I don't want to tell you because I'm afraid you'll do something stupid."

Beca stopped walking, her stomach twisted anxiously. "I won't."

"Promise?"

"I can't-" Stacie gave her a stern look. Beca sighed, "fine. I promise."

"It was EC, he's been" Stacie shook her head, thinking of a word to describe something. "harassing" she finally decided. "me since you met up with him two days ago."

"What?" Beca growled, her vision blurred. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? I'm gonna fucking kill that bastard."

"Beca," Stacie tugged on her hand. "Calm down. It's okay, I'll just get a new phone number."

 _It's_ okay _? It's not_ fucking _okay._

When Beca wouldn't budge, Stacie shoved her so hard she stumbled, "Beca, lets go home. _Now._ "


End file.
